telling my friend

he sold his HP for "warung".
uh... a month-lost-contact is only for "warung? i hate it!

he get a new job:
a playstation rental make him worked there.

he get another job. a "Batak" trust him to work in his field.

my friend works for almost all day!
go to field in the morning, just an hour break, go to PS rental, next little break, or without it, work in the field again, then in the night work in the factory.
i dont know how can he face it.
i'm worrying his sholat.
i'm worrying his health,

when will he sleep?
when will he take meals?
when will he sholat?
is he still take a bath every morning&evening?

he still busy too in his bands.

i dont like his choice.
i dont like this.

but i still havent a way to tell him about it.

i still don't understand the true condition.
what's his reason., what he feels,
ah
boy
whatever i think, whatever i feel, whatever i say
i dont understand.

he's a boy!

may 22th he said
"Mi telor. MnumNy sprit cmpur garem.but obat cikunguNy.abiz plsaQ

what is it?

and the day before, he said that he "terkapar sendirian, badan pegel2, ' and bla bla bla

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

then he make me confuse
because he confuse
because he can't make identity card
because he hasn't a letter from kelurahan.
and he left his ijazah.

i said about his brother. but he didn't answer.

it's unusual (what's the better word to say aneh? aneh seaneh-anehnya?)
if i ask that letter to kelurahan santren.
what will people say?
i ' m sure that he also can imagine that.

he also confuse, i know it.

last weekend, he has a project with his friends. recording.
i wanna hear the story
i wanna asking him again about the identity,
but i still cant call him.

he still refuse, i think.

ok, tomorrow will be another day.

oh yeah,
last night i transfer many SMS into some simcards, and put them in my pocket/blanket/picket/uh, i'm forget. i wanna say "dompet". now, my memory is "lumayan longgar". hehehehe

just a little friction

i have constructed my BIG dreams in LMT, an activity organized by LKI FISIP UNS on may 26-27th 09.
i thought i have to share it to my parents.
but,
they don't there when i want they there.

ibu now still at Welahan. she went there at 03.00am and i went home at 03.00pm.
just a little friction.
next weekend, bapak said, i have to come home earlier.
a "pengajian" will be held in our home, so i must help them prepare all things.
but, at that day, bapak will go to Jakarta!

when can we meet?

inside, i cried.

rintik hati di sore yang perih

Aku mulai menyesal menjadi diriku yang sekarang.
Kini aku terbebani dengan jalan yang terlanjur kupilih ini.
Haruskah ini yang kutempuh?
Aku goyah.
Aku lemah.
Apakah aku mampu melanjutkannya? Mestinya bisa!
Tapi sekarang hanya ragu yang ada.
Aku tak nyaman dengan ini.
Hampa.
Hari-hariku mulai berlalu tanpa makna bagi diriku sendiri.
Sempat terpikir dulu, bahagia adalah bila aku berguna untuk orang lain.
Tapi nyatanya? Saat ini aku tidak bahagia!
Alloh...
Aku hanya bisa menangis...
Merintih...
Mengaduh...
Apa yang "mereka" bilang memang benar,... memang ada dasar,... tapi
apakah lantas aku bisa mengikuti itu semua?
Haruskah semua yang kuperbuat--ada dasarnya?
Tak bolehkah--sedikit saja--aku melakukan apa yang aku senangi... apa yang aku inginkan... tanpa alasan yang macam-macam?
Sakit pangkal leherku kini..
Sesak di ulu hati..

Banyak kan yang "boleh" melakukan"nya" tanpa banyak pertimbangan?
Banyak yang masih terjaga..
Banyak yang masih menjaga... tanpa harus tersiksa seperti aku ini.

Barusan tadi aku melihatnya.

oh, Alloh...
Aku merindukannya
Aku merindukan mereka
Aku merindukan hal-hal yang aku lakukan dulu
Aku merindukan sosok bebasku yang dulu
..........................................................................

Kemanakah itu semua, Alloh?
Aku menginginkannya kembali...
Walau telah banyak yang berubah.
Walau banyak keinginan-keinginan baruku yang ingin aku wujudkan.


Aku sadar, sepertinya itu semua tidak akan mungkin terjadi.


Aku terlanjur menceburkan diri di lubang yang sepertinya baik, walau itu tak membuatku bahagia saat ini.

Sore yang dingin...
Sore yang perih...
Sore yang kuyu
kuyu...
seperti hatiku

yang merindukannya.


Ya Alloh,
satu pinta...
Tolong pertemukan KAMI
lagi